Do what feels good.
I’ve spent the last few days/weeks thinking about this past year and what I want the future to look like. Here are some thoughts on my process, experience and intentions.
Diffidence
My friend Dafina and I recently decided to text each other daily with words of support and inspiration to get through these final days of the year. We have talked a lot about how the funk comes in at unexpected times and pokes at our focus and sense of groundedness. The fucking funk can be a motherfucker.
I’m someone who spends a lot of time thinking and contemplating about life, business, energy, connection, impact, growth, relationship. You know, all that light and easy stuff. LOL. I’m not suggesting I have even a shred of enlightenment in any of these areas, rather I’m always on the look out for sparks of insight and the answers. My truth is I think a lot about how my thoughts and actual words don’t always seem aligned, at least not in my mind or when I hear myself speak.
It’s like, I’m an introspective person with a lot of sensitivity and awareness. And, it seems like when I’m in verbal conversation, especially with people who have been in my life for many years, all the things I feel and think and know don’t necessarily come out the way I want them to. I feel like my words don’t match with how I feel. Not sure if it’s my limited vocabulary or bigger energetic stuff that triggers shadowed sides of myself that triggers feelings of self consciousness that leads to misalignment.
I’m not sure what to do about this except continue to reflect on it. Will I ever feel aligned? Will I ever feel like my words match my feelings? Will I ever feel like I’m expressing myself the way I want be? Maybe not. But I know I don’t want to feel like it’s not for lack of trying.
Distraction
This year I have been extremely aware of the ease with which distraction enters my life. I always realize it once I’m at the bottom of a deep rabbit hole of IG stories and emails.
I got on social media last year. In November to be exact, right around the time I started my business. Before then, I had managed social media professionally and only had personal accounts in order to do so. But I never actually had friends on Facebook or an Instagram account. I guess I did have Twitter for about a year or two before going all in last year but, for all intents and purposes, I was practically a newbie to social media.
So last November when I realized I needed to get on the other platforms for the sake of connection and all that it could do for my business, I accepted the hundreds of FB requests that had been sitting there for years and started posting stuff all over the place. I essentially went from a non-user to an all-the-time user. As such, I find myself on my phone a lot. Too much. It makes me really uncomfortable (read: frustrated with myself). I only started scheduling posts about a month or two ago, and I’m not consistent with that structure yet. So given how much I post, you do the math.
I know, I know, I know I need to be kind to myself and give a little grace and space to find my way. I’ll get there. And in the meantime, I do feel like I’m on my devices too much and want things to look different going into the new decade.
With all that I’m working toward and trying to create, I can’t afford to be on my phone as much as I am. The dichotomy of course is that if I’m not connecting, I’m not doing “the work.” Oof.
But, I know in my core that to build the company I envision, less is more. And investing in support is going to go a long way.
Delegation
To my previous point, I can’t do it all. Things I’m not great at, don’t want to do and/or take up a shitload of time are things worth delegating. For me, the list could go on and on. But I want to keep my business as lean as possible for as long as possible so I have to be extremely selective. Not just for financial purposes, but for protection. The more I’m not in control of, particularly this early on, the more risk my business is in.
So, what do I want to delegate? My tippy top priorities in 2020 are bookkeeping and social media management, including content creation and strategy. I want to continue dealing with the admin stuff for now: contracts, email, CRM management and website management.
It’s the social media stuff that’s such a time suck for me. I don’t know how long it takes other people to manage theirs, but it takes me many hours. To plan and schedule posts for one week, for example, I must dedicate a 4-5 hour block of time to do it all, basically a whole work day. It involves 1) planning what the content will be and deciding which days for which type of content, 2) creating the actual content/words/posts, 3) creating the graphics/art that accompany the words, and 4) scheduling them out. Also, I like to set goals with each post so I need to 5) spend time developing those goals. It’s crazy how much goes into it given what it’s called. “Social media” evokes a lightness for me, but it’s far from it.
I want to work with someone who I can have a 30-60 minute meeting with and they can extract the important parts from my brain, take it and create a plan and content for me to review/tweak if need be/and sign off on. Then I can manage the comments and direct messages that so many lovely people send me. That’s the fun part! Additionally, I want this someone to understand and give a shit about data and ads so they can help me create and make meaning out of mine. Beloved future digital/social media partner, I can’t wait for us to find each other. I love you already.
Do you understand what I’m talking about?
At dinner last night Matt and I were talking about what we want to do with our businesses in 2020 and the ways we’re thinking about making changes to what we’re currently doing. He is always so articulate when it comes to this stuff. By the time he’s sharing what he’s thinking with me, it’s a beautifully clear and obvious path. I always walk away from our conversations feeling inspired.
Me on the other hand, I feel like I’m always sharing with him my scattered, partial ideas that I’m trying to untangle but only making more knots out of.
He’s so generous with his listening, truly taking in my ramblings and offering ideas. He’s a freelance ghost writer by day as he builds his multimedia, music-based empire, and through that work he’s developed a lot of knowledge around marketing and messaging.
Something he said yesterday really hit me, “You’re selling clarity and calm. A feeling. I don’t always know how to tell people what you do because you’re doing so much." Challenge accepted.
I do create products and provide services intended to bring clarity and calm into the lives of my customers and clients, and moving forward, I intend to be as succinct as possible about it.
The challenge to be clearer in my communication is exciting because it’s going to serve so many other areas of my life.
Doing less doing more
This holiday season I’ve spent my time differently. I didn't spend the November holidays with my family, but instead ran away to the snowy mountains of Northern NM with Matt and enjoyed a slow, quiet few days in a refurbished RV camper named Yogi. It was absolutely perfect.
These December holidays were not spent with my sisters, nieces and nephews for the first time in my whole life. A big deal. I made the choice to stay home and not travel, instead saving money and taking things slow.
My life this year has felt really full. Lots of activities, meetings, conversations (with others and myself) — so much heart-filling and energetically draining work. Sloooooow nothingness was screaming my name. So I made the difficult and necessary choice to keep things light this holiday season and don’t regret it for a moment. And, I’ve been working through the complicated emotions for months now.
For the past few days, I’ve been in my house with Matt sleeping in, watching lots of movies (6 and counting) and staring out the window. TBH, sleeping in has triggered twinges of anxiety even on this quiet staycation. A clear sign I need more of it. Sheesh, this stuff is complicated.
I shared my daily inspiration text with Dafina earlier today, one that resonated with me a couple weeks ago and continues to inspire.
This message from Q Tip is so important. And these last few days have been a reminder of what slowing down and aligning can feel like (and what I want/need to nurture).
What’s clear to me is that I want to do less in order to do more.
I’m not interested in jamming my calendar with meetings and clients and fun activities. In fact, I’d like less meetings and clients so I can be my fullest, most present and rested self for those I have. I also want more meaningful and therefore fewer get togethers with the people I love. This will also allow me to be fully present and soak up all the wonderfulness of my person and our get together.
I want to create deeply meaningful and connected client partnerships where together we are advancing ideas that positively impact our lives and the lives of the communities we serve.
I want to work with smart, funny people who fucking get it.
I want to have lots of white space in my day, every day.
I want to have short lists only. Nothing long, exhaustive or carved in stone. Only lists that are manageable now and iterative always.
I want to do less so I can do more with the limited and most precious resource I have: my time.
Declutter
With all this said, what comes to mind for me is the need to declutter. My thoughts, my desk, my notes, my folders, my chalkboard wall.
Decluttering will leave me with only the essentials. And that’s where I want to live — with what matters most, because that’s all I can focus on.
I love you and am incredibly grateful to have you here. Thank you for reading my ramblings. Here’s to a beautiful and abundant 2020.