Sunrise over the sacred water and lands of the Wabanki People.
Today is February 1, 2022. This my month! And, I honestly canNOT believe it’s here. It feels like November of a whole ‘nother year.
Yet, here we are. I welcome this moment with love, cautious optimism, genuine enthusiasm for what is ahead, and honesty about what is.
If you’ve been following my journey for the last few weeks, you know I’ve been experiencing a high amount of anxiety and practicing sacred surrender to it all. I recently heard someone say that they prefer to frame surrendering as allowing.
Allowing.
Yes, I like that. I am allowing the feelings in all the ways they show up to come in and move through me. And I am reminding myself each time that they do not define me nor represent the reality of what is.
I may be truthfully experiencing anxiety. That anxiety is real. And, it’s not the end all be all. Rather than allowing it to be the whole of everything, or surrendering to it, I am allowing it to move on through.
Truth: Anxiety.
Thought: You’re welcome to keep moving along.
Feeling: Trust that it won’t be my forever reality.
Result: Anxiety moves along and I feel less anxiety sometime thereafter.
The alternative to this (which I’ve fallen prey too) is this:
Truth: Anxiety.
Thought: What if I never do the things or I’m a fraud or this anxiety becomes really really bad?!!??
Feeling: Fear. Panic. Freaking the fuck out.
Result: Anxiety sticks around a long time. Don’t do the things that would help move the anxiety along/prove it’s not the whole of everything.
I think about this kind of stuff all the time. The thoughts we have that make us do or not do a thing. The feelings we have and how they are tied to reality or not. Results we get that are based on the reality we want.
Human behavior is a motherfucker. And it’s unbelievably fascinating.
We literally have the power to think ourselves into a hole or out of it. Of course there are a bunch of external influences that we can’t control, like White Supremacy, racism, sexism, ableism, other forms of bigotry and oppressive systems that were created to keep people like us down and out.
And, as I approach my 41st rotation del sol, I am also, along with you, working with the practical magic of the solar system, inherent strengths and weaknesses, and a unique and nuanced personality, all of which influence the power I have to think myself in or out of whatever hole or situation I am in.
Whether you continue reading or exit now, I hope you’ll take this one nugget with you: What got you here won’t get you there.
If you’d like to listen to a really special and totally unique playlist click here. It’s a collaborative playlist created last February for my 40th birthday that I based on my mom’s 40th birthday party many years ago. It’s super great…I’m listening to it right now!.
Because…she’s cute and brings me joy and reminds me about truth and reality.
It’s important to understand where you shine so you can spend as much time there as absolutely possible.
One of the biggest challenges with being human is the sense of responsibility to do all the things — even if we don’t shine there or simply don’t like those things.
Here's the question to ask: How important is this thing to the future I’m creating?
What got you here won’t get you there.
What got me here
I recently spent time with my Clifton Strengths only to feel so MF validated and seen, I can’t even.
My top 5 were no surprise, and they also blew my mind because I knew/know deep in my bones that the certain ways I am in the world aren’t and never were bullshit. To see actual data layered with my Myers Briggs personality type and natal chart (two tools I use with clients) — let it be known and carved in stone that I am who I am and there is nothing anyone can say or do that will push me off my pedestal. p.s. How you choose to interpret pedestal is on you.
I know who I am and how I operate, how I think, how I motivate myself and others, how I connect, how I derive meaning from my work and my relationships, what keeps me connected and motivated, and driven to see a thing through.
All of these facts that every assessment I’ve ever taken has validated make it crystal clear that I’m living, breathing, walking, typing, texting, talking proof that what you want is possible. When I think about my life as a kid, teenager, 20-something, 30-something, now 40-something, I’m clear AF that I’ve gotten to where I am in life and business because of my inherent strengths, the nuances of my personality type, and my astrological blueprint.
What got me here is not because I overcame adversity or pulled myself up by my bootstraps — what got me here is the deeply engrained blueprint on my soul that was written before I took my first breath.
What does this even mean Annie?
I’m a spreadsheet-thinking, process-oriented strategist. If you can relate, this woo woo stuff may make you roll your eyes, so let me break it down.
My affinity for processes and spreadsheets comes from a deep need for systems and structures in my life. Why do I need systems and structures? Because my visions, concepts and ideas swish and slosh around in my watery mind (the majority of my waking hours), so in order to feel grounded in my capacity and ability to make them real (while not losing my shit and feeling completely overwhelmed) requires a structure for me to operate within. This is the grounded earthly Capricorn in me that churns out systems (even if I loathe the task of it).
Having processes and structures and spreadsheets and large Posts Its on my wall are some of the tools I need to be the CEO I am vs. a thinker of ideas but never make them happen-er.
My ability to make things happen is not because of my affinity for project plans and structures, but the activation energy that is core to my being and directly tethered to my natal Aries and Sagittarius.
Having double fire underneath the two areas of my life that have to do with the stuff I put into the world is the difference between doing or not doing.
What this means in the reality of my business, my life and my mortal existence is:
I am a visionary. It’s core to my personality type, my top #1 strength, and reflected in my natal Sun.
I am action-oriented. It’s my #2 strength and where my natal Aries and Sagittarius sit, waiting and ready.
I have always been a doer, executor, worker bee because I’ve always had to be. Circumstances of all kinds made this side of me non-negotiable. And it’s been the bane of my existence. Bottom of my strengths, not core to my personality, and written all over my natal Moon.
What got me to this moment in my life and business — in so many ways is the tippy top best version of anything I’ve experienced: unconditional love, freedom to choose how and where I spend my time, deep gratitude on the daily for physically being in a beautiful place with nothing but time and space before me — are the decisions and actions (aka choices) that won’t be what get me to where I want to go next.
The painful dichotomy of existing.
I’m a future-focused, action-oriented, feeler of feelings who not just loves people but needs them to be my fullest most rounded out best self.
As I talked about a couple weeks ago, I have played all the roles of the people needed to make shit happen — worker bee, project executor, ideator — but that doesn’t mean I’m good at all the things nor should the fact that I can do them be the standard for how I do things moving forward.
There comes a time in our businesses and lives when we can no longer accept the way things are. Just because this is the way you’ve always done things does not mean it’s the way you always should, could, or will do them.
What will get you there
Where do you want to go? What is it that needs to happen? It’s helpful to notice when the desire has urgency and/or necessity woven into it.
Another way of thinking about urgency and necessity is to zoom out and look at what is.
Why do you want to go there? Why does it need to happen? Your why is likely tied up inside of your necessity or sense of urgency, so it needs to be untangled.
Ask yourself what is real.
What is the truth? What are the facts?
Hint: The truth, facts, and reality are what anyone can objectively agree to (they are not feelings).
Make a list of sentences that capture the reality.
e.g. I made X amount of money last year. I did X number of exhibits since I started my business. I have done all of this as a one-person show. I have X debts and X dollars to my name.
Write the thoughts that come up as you look at the reality.
Hint: Thoughts are not feelings.
e.g. I’m not happy with… I’m proud of myself for… I’m scared I won’t/can’t… I don’t think I can...
Write the feelings that come up as you process your thoughts.
e.g. I’m scared. I’m nervous. I’m motivated. I’m excited.
Make a list of the actions you will take.
Hint: Whether we take action from a place of fear or positive motivation, you can sure AF expect results to sprout from the same place.
What got me here won’t get me there
As I grow as a human, a business owner, an entrepreneur, and CEO I am learning that I inevitably must start doing less of the things I have no business doing nor want to do.
Whether it’s because they don’t feel good, I’m not that great at them, or when I do them it takes me an inordinate amount of time — to get there (to where I want to be) I have to do things differently.
It’s scary.
I can stay safe and keep doing what I’ve always done, and undoubtedly get the same result. Or I can stretch myself and do things in new ways, look from a different angle, get curious like a baby discovering something for the first time.
From the curious, stretching approach I won’t know what the result will be but I can focus on paying attention and learning from whatever happens.
It feels so good when we are doing things we’re really good at. When we’re really good at something and we spend our time doing it, we are rewiring ourselves to create more pathways for hope, liberation, and peace.
When we’re at peace, liberated, and hopeful we’re positioned with direct access to our personal power and potent clarity.
So dammit, I’ll be over here doing things differently and rooting for you to do the same.
If you are not sure where to start but you’re absolutely over the bullshit and done with simply going through the motions, I’d love to meet you. Find time on my personal calendar here.
With that dear one, may your February be bright and cool, joyful and fluid, peaceful, hopeful, and clear.